KUNG FU CHEFS (Hong Kong, 2009)
Directed by: Yip Wing-kin
Starring: Sammo Hung, Vaness Wu, Fan Siu-wong, Bruce Leung Siu-lung, Ai Kago

Sammo Hung likes to do two things: cook food and kick ass. Fortunately for audiences, there’s finally a movie that lets him do both. Whether he’s using the Dragon Head Knife to butcher an entire pig in a single chop, slicing ginger, cooking fish or beating up a drunk Bruce Leung, Sammo is right in his wheelhouse, dishing out kitchen tips and iron fists in equal measure. Made in China for about $1.95, KUNG FU CHEFS is the kind of cracked exploitation classic that the Hong Kong film industry used to turn out in its sleep back in the early 90’s. Defying logic, reason and three-act structure, it’s a blissful B-movie whose title functions as a mathematical formula: Kung Fu + Chefs = Awesome.

Sammo plays Master Yee, the Tom Colicchio of his village, who accidentally gives an entire wedding party food poisoning. It turns out that he’s been framed by Master Joe (Fan Siu-wong, of IP MAN fame) who used Sammo's assistant to slip some poison into the beef stew. This is actually a good thing because, a) the assistant is played by Timmy Hung, Sammo’s real life son, and parents may find it educational to watch the smackdown Sammo lays on his offspring and b) disgrace gives Sammo an excuse to wander the earth and wash up at Sum's restaurant. Here two sisters (one played by Japan's Morning Masume star, Ai Kago) and their hired hand, played by pop star Vaness Wu, are trying to make Sum's the best restaurant in China, but there’s an ingredient missing: they need a portly, kung fu fighting chef to really make their dishes sing. Enter the fat dragon: Sammo Hung.

At this point KUNG FU CHEFS becomes a giddy roller coaster of dough battles, chopping battles, soup battles, fish battles, martial arts battles in supermarkets, martial arts battles in stockrooms, sudden bouts of X-ray vision, bursts of telepathy and an endless barrage of jokes so half-baked and random that they’re like some kind of surrealist art project. Sure it’s low budget, sure the plot feels like it was written by a drunk monkey forced to watch ENTER THE DRAGON alternating with IRON CHEF on an infinite loop, but what elevates this movie into the realm of art is the Kuh-razy Kitchen Kung Fu. Sammo Hung not only takes on the mighty Fan Siu-wong, but he also has a bout with Bruce Leung (see GALLANTS), and Vaness Wu holds his own against Xing Yu, a former Shaolin monk who has appeared in everything from KUNG FU HUSTLE to FLASHPOINT. But surprisingly the talent in front of the camera is just the garnish. The meat is provided by the action choreographers themselves: the Yuen Clan. Yuen Wo-ping (THE MATRIX, KILL BILL) comes from a whole lunatic family of Yuens who are some of the most inspired action maestros in Hong Kong, and it’s their work that lifts this messy meal to grand, giddy heights of berserk inspiration. This is cooking as it should be: bare knuckled and mouth watering. Come hungry.