THE WARLORDS (Hong Kong, 2007)
Directed by: Peter Chan
Starring: Jet Li, Andy Lau, Takeshi Kaneshiro

As big, meaty and satisfying as a flame-roasted leg of wild boar, WARLORDS is the kind of movie you tear into with relish, wiping its bloody juices off your chin with the back of your hand as you sit on a throne made of the bones of your enemies. As savage as Conan and as thoughtful as Confucius it’s a major star vehicle for Jet Li, Hong Kong superstar Andy Lau (INFERNAL AFFAIRS) and the ageless Takeshi Kaneshiro (FALLEN ANGELS, K-20: LEGEND OF THE MASK). The whole shebang is directed by Peter Chan, one of Hong Kong’s smartest directors who turns in a war epic that says, “War. Huh! What is it good for?” Absolutely nothing, apparently, but it’s a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

The movie is based on the story of the 1870 assassination of General Ma by his friend Zhang Wenxiang and it kicks off during the Taiping Rebellion. This was an insane putsch led by a warlord claiming to be Jesus’ younger brother and it resulted in 20 million deaths. WARLORDS starts at the end of one of the vicious battles between the Taiping rebels and the Qing army forces with General Pang (Jet Li) the sole survivor (he hid underneath some corpses). He’s nursed back to health by a comely peasant girl, who beds him and then disappears, and he falls in with a gang of bandits led by Andy Lau and his sidekick, Takeshi Kaneshiro. General Pang signs onto their team and before long, the three men have become blood brothers and wind up fighting for the Qing Emperor. The only problem? That comely peasant girl Jet Li hooked up with is Andy Lau’s wife. Oh, and Jet Li is so driven by guilt over his cowardice that he’s determined to cleanse it from his soul with gallons of fresh blood.

With action by Ching Siu-tung (EMPRESS AND THE WARRIORS), this flick is essentially a romance between the three male leads and it’s no surprise that it was already filmed once by Shaw Brothers director Chang Cheh back in the 1973 classic BLOOD BROTHERS. Dressed in bulky armor that looks like it was built for grizzly bears, these guys charge across dusty battlefields and slaughter enemies by the thousands, but the only time they truly look alive is when they’re gazing into one another’s eyes and swearing eternal loyalty. Unfortunately, as mentioned above, it ends with an assassination, betrayal, war crimes, mass bloodshed, insanity and death. Just like all the best romances.